今天突然看见以前写的东西，发现现在想的正式以前写的，贴出来mark一下吧：

“其实，很多时候没有吃过那些苦是不会appreciate你所得到的东西的。人出生本来就不同，父母不能给的就只能靠自己去争取。越是辛苦就越知道得来不易。对于我和我的一些朋友来说，从来就没有second choice 更没有backup plan只知道不能fail ...... 当年我本科一同学考上研后不得不辍学一年去打工赚自己的学费 ......”

Con常常劝我不要work这么hard。能和这些牛人一起work就已经是天大的privilege了，我不work hard as a dog简直就是sin呀…… 不是每个人都有这样的机会的，尤其对我而言……

前天发现了USB 3.0 xHCI spec里面的一个algorithm bug，比较高兴，呵呵。大家用的USB 3.0 Device都是从那个spec来的…… 自己想想吧 ^_^

昨天和Windows 的EXEC们一起吃饭，又发了个Zune，没劲。

还有我去年的intern work终于要和Win7 的WDK一起ship了，哈哈！

去年被MSR Graduate Fellowship给拒了，狠是郁闷了一把，看来在微软没有自己人一说！人家扁的就是我……，不过还是给我寄了一封拒信，也算是有礼貌讲文明了。一直都比较喜欢微软这点，拒你也是明明白白的，虽然我比较不服。

星期三早上晓静突然给我电话说我们学院给偶发Maseeh Graduate Fellowship了。Maseeh虽然不比MSR的大，但是也算是个honor了，哈哈。按照要求写了封感谢信给Dr. Fariborz Maseeh。贴出来honor一下我老爸老妈和谢老师，当然也万分感谢偶的GF晓静啦。^_^ 还要谢谢扁我的人们 ……

June 25, 2009

Dear Dr. Fariborz Maseeh:

I am writing to thank you for the Maseeh Graduate Fellowship 2009/2010 being awarded to me. I am a third year Ph.D. student at the Department of Computer Science, Portland State University. It is my great honor to receive this fellowship.

I came from Chongqing City, China. My father was a train conductor before he passed away and my mother is a nurse. My parents didn’t have opportunities for higher education, but very early they made it clear to me that knowledge is invaluable. Their encouragement has always been my source of passion on the way pursuing knowledge and tackling challenging problems.

I received my Bachelors and Masters degrees of Electrical Engineering both from Harbin Institute of Technology, China, where I did most of my research on signal processing and network security. To further improve myself, I started my Ph.D. study in Computer Science at PSU in September 2006 right after my Masters study.

In the past three years, I have been working with Prof. Fei Xie, my Ph.D. dissertation advisor, on the project of component-based embedded system co-design and co-verification, funded by both Semiconductor Research Corporation and National Science Foundation. Our research focuses on a comprehensive methodology for designing highly-confidence embedded systems such as embedded car controllers and medical devices. Through this project, I found my research interests in formal methods and established the basic academic skills for my Ph.D. study. Based on my research, I have four papers published and three papers submitted. I am the first author of six papers.

During my internship with Microsoft in the summer 2008, I discovered an interesting topic for my dissertation research: co-verification of device drivers and hardware devices. Working together with Dr. Tom Ball from Microsoft Research, Dr. Vladimir Levin from Microsoft Windows, Dr. Jin Yang from Intel Research, and my advisor Prof. Xie, we are developing automatic algorithms that can formally prove safety properties of hardware/software interface designs. Our efforts have great potential in improving the reliability of device drivers and hardware devices, so to reduce the crashes of operating systems such as Microsoft Windows or the malfunction of computer peripherals such as USB flash drives. Currently, I am doing my second internship with Microsoft. We are trying to build up theories and automatic tools to co-verify the USB3.0 host controller hardware design and its driver implementation.

I am pursuing a Ph.D. degree because I want to equip myself with the knowledge and skills necessary for conducting innovative research that can better serve our society. I greatly appreciate the education I receive from PSU and am proud as a PSU student. I have helped a Microsoft campus recruiter visit PSU in 2008 and now helping him plan the 2009 campus recruiting visit to PSU. Seeing my efforts serving other people makes me most excited and passionate. I will continue to contribute to building high-confidence computer systems after graduation.

Your generous fellowship is not only a great encouragement to me, but also a strong support to my Ph.D. research. I want to express my sincere appreciation to you and I will strive to be an excellent representative of the Maseeh Graduate Fellowship.

Best wishes

Juncao Li

Ph.D. Student

Department of Computer Science

Portland State University

示儿

死去元知万事空，

但悲不见九州同。

王师北定中原日，

家祭无忘告乃翁。

还记得儿时父亲教我这首诗的时候曾反复的说，如果有一天他去世了，要记得常常想念着告诉他我的事情。时间过得如此之快，这已经是第六个年头了。如今心里最害怕的不是找不到工作，或是拿不到绿卡，甚至不怕博士答辩不过，因为这些，都，不太可能，或者，我不那么在乎…… 时间就像黑洞，无情的吞噬着每个人记忆中那最最珍贵的一幕幕，那最最珍贵的亲人的感觉。是呀，怎么留住它们呢？在美国的生活就像一个疯狂的齿轮，每个人都在加速度的旋转，或者，被淘汰。永远都只有两个选择：疯狂的做自己想做的事情，或者被别人疯狂的逼着做别人想做的事情。我只是想选前者而已，代价却是连为我父亲心疼的时间都那么少了…… 唯一庆幸的是还能用我的祖先的语言为我父亲写点什么。这些，不知道在中国的，在外国的，有多少黑眼睛、黄皮肤的人会做了，不知道我的后代是否会做。是呀，我亲爱的父亲，我还能为你做点什么呢？

还记得7月5号，星期六凌晨3点，睡觉前洗脸，看着镜子里自己熟悉而陌生的面容，突然奇怪我父亲26岁的此时此刻在干啥。人生就是短暂的轮回，每个人都是这样生老病死，看多了长辈们的轮回，就很难区分自己活着与死亡的区别了……当时都有了自杀的念头，深深的感受到那些自杀人们的想法。第二天房东带我去Sammamish lake游船，看着湖边million级的house，心情宽松了许多，毕竟人生短暂，但是可以奋斗的还是很多的。可是，我的父亲，就算我能够afford那样的房子，我真的不知道我还能为你做些什么？

今年5月份回去看了奶奶。从去年年底开始，奶奶的身体就一直不太好，春节的时候嘉嘉偷偷的告诉我奶奶快不行了。我心里真的很难过，可是我不能有太多时间去难过……，庆幸的是最后查出是她牙齿的问题，牙齿医好了，身体也就好多了。回去的时候把自己的积蓄给了一部分给奶奶，这也算是籍慰自己不安的心灵了。我也在尽心尽力的去帮助我的弟弟们，耐心的告诉他们我所知道的，有的时候甚至是恐吓，奈何只有伟伟相信哥哥不是在危言耸听。是呀，生活本来就不易，可惜我们很多时候只知道不易，却心甘情愿做生活的奴隶。每个人都有自己的选择，终于明白有的时候改变身边的人是不可能的，还是把自己放在其他的人群里让别人改变我吧……

终于去了微软实习，见到了那些以前只能在书上看到的人，和technique fellow们一起吃饭，张口问Henry Sanders：你是谁，他尴尬的回答，我是第一个写Windows TCP/IP协议栈的人……。小时候看The Road Ahead，并没有感觉到Gates在微软的地位，现在终于理解教父的含义了。虽然美元贬值得厉害，微软offer我的年薪也大大超过了父亲10年的工资，有的时候想想像父亲这样的百姓在中国辛苦一辈子到底是为什么，最后连看病的钱都没有，到底是该怪谁？爱国，爱党？谁来爱我的父亲？爱人民，爱社会？谁来爱我父亲的孩子？儿时父母省吃俭用送我去重庆最好的学校，为的想必就是有一天我自己能问这个问题吧。

谢谢我的父亲、母亲，没有你们的教育，我只能是重庆街头的小混混。

于PSU

清明

杜 牧

清明时节雨纷纷，

路上行人欲断魂。

借问酒家何处有，

牧童遥指杏花村。

又是一年清明时节，晴了一个星期的的波特兰早上突然下起了小雨，配合着这断肠的时气，看来中国的易经五行之说在美国一样适用。早早就想起这首诗，儿时老爸教我的时候就说过：“以后我要是去见马克思了，你就用这首诗缅怀我吧”。谁知道这么快就排上用场…… 还是祝福老爸在天的那边过得好些。

昨天给老妈电话，她上山去看爸爸，说清明节山上挤得人山人海，埋怨没车可开。在这二师兄贵过唐僧肉的日子里，我老妈的工资还江河日下，单位天天喊发不起工资，她还得为了4元一份的问卷调查，晚上挨家挨户的敲门。可能向来就是这样的世道吧，老实一辈子的人没饭可吃，投机取巧的撑得半死，国内很多地方一向都是奖励懒惰，扼杀勤奋。呵呵，后来和老妈开玩笑：你来美国吧，我给你买车。 

下午电面，倒是和那个senior engineer聊得挺high，忘了点。完后背着书包冲到教室碰见老师正好下课，兴冲冲的上前去，给那个老师说，我跟Fei，做sensor network verification，所以我觉得这个课和我很fit。结果那个老师面无表情的给我来句：不过我们这个课是教networking的，然后指了指课名…… faint，才发现自己说得牛头不对马嘴。Suresh 抛下一句：你自己回去好好看看我的web再说，然后扬长而去……